Actress Teyonah Parris attends Kari Feinstein’s Style Lounge presented by Paragon at Andaz West Hollywood on August 22, 2014
I find her so stunning. Love this whole look
She’s so beautiful.
I’ve spent my 18 years of life trying to be okay with the fact that humans fade in and out of each others’ lives. No matter how I think about it, I can’t make it sound romantic or poetic. To those who have already passed through my life and to those who eventually will: I love you. I miss you. The back door will always be unlocked if you ever feel like coming home.
Why is it when I see a white girl with a tattoo on her thigh i think sexy? But a Latina I think ghettos as fuck?
because youre racist
I Don’t Know Where to Go From Here (#370: April 7, 2014)
Written for: anonymous
AmeriKKKa 2014: “Forever Racist” TwitterEdition
It took me less than five minutes to collect this small sampling of tweets. Throughout the day, I’ve seen even more horrifying responses in the comments section of pretty much every news site. There’s even been a flurry of racist anon comments in my own inbox. Don’t ever fool yourself into believing that racism isn’t alive and thriving in America right now. #staywoke #sicktomystomach
Bless all the college students struggling right now to get their shit skraight with their financial aid.
I never thought I would be the person to tweet or blog through a breakup, but here I am. I feel a little different about it every few hours, but some of my feelings haven’t changed. I talked to her last night. I don’t know if it was the best idea I’ve ever had because I was kind of drunk and we were texting from maybe 7 until I got home. She asked me to call her while she was waiting to leave for school, so we were on the phone until about 2 am. It’s weird talking to her and not being together. I don’t know what’s okay to say. I’m okay with talking to her like a friend until we talk about the possibility of being with other people. I thought she was so happy we broke up, but she said she isn’t..she said sometimes she wants to change her mind but then she realizes it was the right decision. I think it was the right decision too. I’ve been telling her to do it for months but I never actually wanted her to. I just wanted to be able to solve our problems like we always did. I guess I’m sad because I really thought we would be able to work it out.
Maybe I’ll feel better if I write down how I’ve been feeling. I’ll regret this later. I won’t lie to myself, I am very upset that we broke up. I didn’t think she would be temporary. I know that we’re both young and I always tried to remind myself to be realistic, but it was so easy to imagine us being together for a long time. We got together the beginning of my senior year. I had never opened up to anyone else so quickly. It takes me incredibly long to trust someone enough to even consider them a friend. From the very beginning, she seemed like someone I could trust. I guess that’s why I fell for her so fast. I told my mother about us after 3 months, and even though I was scared of what my mother might do or say, I didn’t care. I thought she was worth it. We argued because of my mother, almost broke up because of her once…but we were always okay. I had to deal with some terrible things while we were together, and even when people in my family seemed so temporary, she reminded me that she wasn’t going anywhere. She always told me that she’d be here as long as I wanted her to be. I was gullible to believe that. I was always afraid that she might find someone better than me, or we would just outgrow each other. She always reminded me how much she loved me. It used to be so easy to be around her. One night, she was taking me back to my dorm and I asked her to stay with me for a little while because I was too sad to be alone. I’ve never let anyone see me that weak. She stayed with me until I felt better, tucked me in and kissed my forehead. I don’t know…there are just so many little things about myself that I let her see. She never judged me. I thought she was perfect…thought we were perfect for each other. I know i’m corny for this but I never believed in soul mates until I met her. I never thought I would get married, or fall in love with someone who loved me too…She just gave me everything I never even knew I wanted and then just took it away from me. I told her I had been feeling ignored and it seemed like everyone and everything came before me. Even her new friends. She’s going to school in North Carolina, and she was there for most of the summer. She cheated on me her first week there. But I thought that because she felt guilty, and she apologized, and I loved her she deserved a second chance. The more friends she made, the less she talked to me. Every week she was there, she told me she thought she liked another boy. I guess that’s when I realized it wouldn’t last much longer. I kept telling her not to let me get in the way of something or someone that could be good for her, and she just kept telling me that she only wanted me. The night she broke up with me, I tried telling her that her actions didn’t show that she wanted me. I should have said something sooner. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad now. I don’t know. When she came home I just knew things were different. I didn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t want to argue while she was still here. I was trying to enjoy our time together because I knew it was limited. We wouldn’t have forever like she always promised. She said we could be friends, but I don’t really know what that means…I really just want to know how she’s so okay with this. I haven’t had anything to eat in 2 days. I barely get out of bed. I couldn’t talk to anyone without crying for hours, so I just didn’t talk. I understand not wanting to be with me anymore, but how can she just act like i never meant anything to her? Did I ever mean anything to her? I feel like I never mattered. We talked every day for the past 2 years. Now I don’t know if we’re ever going to talk again. I don’t know if i’ll ever see her again. I’m amazed that I still want to see her. I just want to say goodbye to her before she goes to school. This is fucking pitiful. I don’t want to open up like that for anyone else. I don’t want to feel the way I did with her ever again..not even when I was happy. I don’t understand why people want to fall in love.
I’m embarrassed because I spent my entire shift crying and questioning what I could have done to prevent this. I wasn’t even going to go to work. I ripped up anything that reminded me of her. There are some things I couldn’t bring myself to throw away. I didn’t feel hungry all day so I just didn’t eat. Usually I would say maybe I’m just being dramatic, but I honestly feel like shit. I feel completely alone again. I know I have other friends, but there was nothing I couldn’t talk to her about. How am I supposed to just pretend we never happened? How can she do it so easily? The only thing I can tell myself is maybe in a year she won’t even matter, but that isn’t making me feel any better right now.
I feel fucking pitiful because I’m sitting here forcing myself not to beg for her to change her mind. This isn’t what I wanted. She was supposed to take me back…
I kind of want to take a semester off, but I have no idea where I would go in the spring if I did. I feel like I shouldn’t major in music because I don’t know what I’ll do with my degree unless I change my major to music education, but there’s nothing else I’m interested in. Maybe I’m just not supposed to be in school. I could always join the military but I don’t think I’m made for it and honestly, I would just feel like I’m running away from my problems. I’m supposed to be going to school next week and I don’t know what the fuck to do because I’ve been panicking and avoiding the problem all summer. I don’t know if I’m making good decisions. I can’t even picture myself graduating from college…I don’t see it happening. My grades aren’t the problem at all. I just can’t make up my mind. I wish I didn’t have to think about this.
im a really affectionate person once you get past my 5 layers of shyness, awkwardness, fear, vague dislike, and loneliness